is it ever possible to leave behind a memory that’s so beautiful yet bone-crushing simultaneously?
I’ve concluded that I’m too afraid to love, to even feel something for someone again. The thing is, I feel it in every part of me, whenever I drop my facade down. I try my very best to invest my emotions into tangible things that could highly likely yield returns, and distract myself from the things that lure me back. It’s hard. I’m telling you.
I’ve tried. Different guys. Different drinking parties. Different games. I’m laughing because all of them have failed. You still remain somewhere. I think you have already left a piece of yourself in me.
It’s difficult to explain. I think it’s difficult because everyone’s emotions measure out differently. I happen to feel a lot, to the point that it overwhelms me especially when I’m left alone (which sadly is most of the time).
The thing is, I AM trying. I AM going out with other people, and I AM taking up more classes to spend my time doing productive work. But it still comes. I mean the feeling still comes.
The thing is. I think about you almost every freaking day of my life. And it’s not when I’m left with my own thoughts at 3am in the morning. It’s when its 12 freaking noon, when I shouldn’t even be thinking of you.
Honestly, I know that I probably was just another thing for you. Maybe it was out of kindness, maybe it was out of boredom. Or something. Else.
Whatever it might be, the fact is, I did like you, I still do like you, and I may still like you in my future.
you were the first ever guy that made me feel like a whole, and you know what? it stays, painfully.
but when the day comes that I’m finally able to look at you and smile because I’m glad you found someone else, that’s when I know that you have stayed, beautifully.
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